I have lived wishing to live and I have lived wishing to die. Was I really living when I wanted to die? 

Humans cannot change the meaning of life. They can represent (or misrepresent) what life is meant to be. 

You may be dead and not even realize it. What is life?  Life can be defined by what life is not. Life has no point if it is completely full of negative emotion and the will to live will never return.  Therefore life can be defined by the  absence of any negative emotion. 

Death is the direct opposite of life. It can be defined by the complete absence of positive emotion. 

You of yourself cannot free yourself from negative emotion (death), otherwise you already would have. If you cannot, your life has no meaning unless a Higher Power exists that has provided and is willing for you to receive life (complete positive emotion). 

Definition of Life: complete happiness, peace and satisfaction. 

Romans 6: 23
For the wages (ultimate outcome) of sin (misrepresenting God) is death (ultimately leads to complete negative emotion), but the gift of God is eternal life (complete positive emotion) in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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