I am an ordinary person. I don't have any special talents and abilities.
I am not a perfect person. I have done things ( and not done things) I have regretted.
I am not a person who has always valued people. I Have judged people, their actions (and/ or inactions), their speech ( and / or lack of speech) and their beliefs ( and / or lack of beliefs). I have spoken things that were not nice about people.
I am not a person that has always had it 'all together'. I have been lonely, I have been unable to control my eating, I have been full of fear, I have been full of guilt, I have felt rejected, I have wanted to end my life.
I am not a person who is particularly intelligent or smart. I have been unable to finish educational courses and have struggled holding down jobs.
I am not a person who has found it easy to forgive. I thought God hated me, and did not want to forgive me.
I am not a person who has lived particularly "honestly" I have outwardly acted "loving" while in my heart I was not loving at all.
I am not a person who has lived particularly "perfectly" I have outwardly acted "perfect" while in my heart I was not perfect at all.
I am not a person who has always been motivated. I have lacked the motivation to live, let alone do or "be" anything.
I am not a person who has been particularly "confident" I have been that scared of people that I would only do my shopping late at night.
I am not a person who has been particularly "good" with money. I have lost money trading the financial markets
I am not a person who has been "free of guilt." I been full of guilt. If I ever manage to be guilt free it has nothing to do with me. I have struggled believing God would forgive me. I thought He hated me.
I am not a person who is particularly "wise." I have been foolish with what I have said and done, my use of money and my relationship with people (amongst many other things).
I am not a person who has acted in completely lawful ways. I have my fair share of speeding fines, seat belt infringements, running of stop signs , etc.
I have failed many times to represent Who God Is, I have failed to forgive, I have thought in ways that were not pure, I have been full of pride, I have lied, my actions may have killed my brother, I have acted disrespectfully, I have acted selfishly, I have committed what God calls adultery, I have acted in ways that bring disrepute to God, I have misrepresented God financially, I have acted in ways that failed to acknowledge He Who made me, I have thought and acted as if I looked after me better than God would look after me, if you are wanting to look at someone who has perfectly represented Who God Is, don't look at me.
I have struggled to understand that God actually wants to accept me and forgive my many faults. I have thought He did not want me and that He hated me.
If I ever amount to anything in life it has nothing to do with me, ultimately I didn't make me or any of the things that allowed me to amount to something.
. If I ever have a purpose and motivation it is not from me, it is from God, as when I did not have one I could not create one.
If I manage to trust God it is because He has proven trustworthy, I have thought He did not want me, and that He hated me. Have you ever tried trusting a psychopath?
If I have ever been motivated to find the truth it is most likely not because of me, but because I was given a father who sacrificed his future so that his children might know the truth and a mother who sacrificed her future so that her children might know what is love.